A new critic "The Conjuress" reviews a ride . . . . Meeting up on a drizzly morning Bernie assured us that the weather forecast was good, so twelve riders set out on Alec’s ride. A change of plan was announced, the original lunch stop having been deemed as too posh for us (leader judging us by his own standards) so a cheaper, rougher stop now planned. We took an indirect route to Thorney Golf Club for coffee by which time the weather had improved. It was shorter stop than usual (we normally stop here in the afternoon and linger) and as we gathered to move off I overheard a conversation regarding the purchase of extensions and appendages. Alec declared he was looking for one a bit longer than Laurie’s. It was suggested that he surf the internet for a selection but Alec said he preferred to look at and feel before he buys. Didn’t like to ask what that was all about. Change of plan 2 was announced. Due to a party booking, the pub was unable to make us top priority; so lunch stop was changed again to the King and Castle, guess where, Windsor. Onwards to Datchet. On route there was some commotion when Jim alerted the back markers that we were now only eleven, so we must have lost someone. Ray, finding the opportunity to burn up a few calories (wedding suit to get into) made a Cavandish sprint out of the peloton to our leader at the front, who halted the pack. A quick count revealed we had twelve after all, Jim forgetting to count himself. Lunch was in quite mediocre, except for Jim who managed to get a free beer. Ray took the opportunity to drink 3 pints of lager before a large main course and sweet. (Wedding suit?) The big question in our minds, “Is there anything beyond Windsor, or is it a black void? Has Alec actually recce‘d this?” Some uncharted paths (Laurie excl.) of which our leader was obviously proud as he made a deliberate U Turn so he could inspect the troops and give us the opportunity to salute him as we passed. (I think it was more abuse though, we missed a turn). As we rode along Dorney Reach the weather was now quite sunny and the group stopped for the girls to remove some clothing. There were some very inappropriate comments from the guys, which were much appreciated. Making our way to the Jubliee River Patsy fell at Ray’s feet (must be the thought of him in that wedding suit), drawing blood. A very sympathetic leader stopped half a mile down the track, only then to revel in the thought of taking a close up picture of the injury. We made a stop at the General Elliot back in Uxbridge for a quick drink (Gerry had to get to the station by 4) where we dispersed but not before hearing all about John’s Palates balls and the positions he gets into with the ladies of Denham. Gerry missed the 4 o’clock deadline and had to ride home which resulted in her longest ride ever. A Swoop®less ride but good to know there is life beyond Windsor. Not once, did I hear Laurie say,” I wouldn’t have gone this way”. There were mutterings about the Best ride ever, but I then realised that they were only reminiscing about the short ride on 17 th July. Ann