On a normal day I would get up early, shower, eat and get dressed for a twenty mile ride from my home to the neighboring city. Its approximately ten miles there and ten miles back with the route up being a shallow ride up hill and the ride bike being a sharp downhill. Its always a joy to reach that point as I know that the majority of the work to get home will be done by gravity. I know that if I get out of bed, I can beat my negativity by just getting on the bike. I know that I can get the wheels spinning by simply making it to the front door. I know I can do. This morning I didn’t. Instead, I told myself the sun needed to rise as the hills I would have to descend would be too dangerous to ride in the dark. It would be falling in to the mouth of darkness. I could see myself falling, catching a flat, getting hurt, missing an obstruction an hurting myself on one of the many descents before I made it to the top of my ride. I could hear myself moaning in pain. I could see the darkness that I had toyed with getting the better of me on the ride. I could see it and it was scary. I was scared. I sat there in my bed, wrapped in my blankets watching my alarm clock feeling afraid of what had not happened. Here at three in the morning, the fear got the better of me. When the sun finally rose, I looked outside. Being insulated by my home, I told myself it was to hot now to get out. I told myself there was too much traffic, there were to many distractions. I had every reason to just sit down and eat breakfast. I could still feel the ache from Monday’s forty mile ride. It was not as sharp as earlier, but still present. I could feel it. I could still feel the Charlie horse thigh. This isn’t so much an injury but a result of my running days. When I would bend my knee pulling my heels to my buttok and flexing my thigh, I would feel a sharp paralyzing pain that would send a shock wave through my body. I would imagine having your leg go through a meat shredder would be more appealing then feeling this level of discomfort. At least in a meat shredder you would see it coming. Between the pain of my flex and the light ache that was in my hips, calves, and back, I had almost convinced myself that it would be better to take another rest day. Just another 24 hours to allow my body to heal from Mondays workout. Almost. I reached for my heart monitor, and slipped it under my t-shirt. I’ll just do a slow twenty mile loop around the neighborhood, I told myself. This way if I get to tired or if I cant make it, I’m only about five miles from home. Instantly a thought popped in my head. No, its easier to just wait. Your body needs rest. You cant help anyone if you need help. Waiting for a healed body is better than fighting with a half body. I didn’t know what was happening. My body just felt heavy and sluggish. I didn’t have any energy. All I wanted to do was just sit down and wait. So that’s what I did. I sat and waited. I sat in an uncomfortable Amazon chair that I had all but bent in to a cot by leaning back in to it. I sat there at my makeshift desk infront of my computer, waiting for the inevitable calls of my customers to come in. “IF you want to ride just GO fucking ride”. The voice came from my throat. The words came from my lips. The air came from my lungs. The will to speak this was not my own. I jumped up, got on my gear, grabbed my bike and headed out the front door. The sun was completely up, the air was just becoming warm, and I was out on the bike. I was out on the bike with cars, trucks pedestrains, and buses. I was out, on the bike, pedaling my old route and comparing the effort to the that of my new route. Not a single thought of how tired I was. Not a mention of how heavy and sluggish I felt. Not a car for the healing that my body would need to do. The only thing I was focused on was that I was on the bike. I had beaten the thought to stay in. I was out. And I was loving it.