Not sure how my legs felt so strong today, but I rolled with it! Holy shit!

Warm-up
Captain Morgan mini squats w/8 lb medicine ball
2 x 10 each side
(1 min)

Single leg deficit RDLs
3 x 6 each side @ 25
(1 min)

Sumo deadlifts
1 x 10 @ 45
1 x 5 @ 115
1 x 3 @ 135
1 x 3 @ 155
1 x 3 @ 175
1 x 3 @ 185 -> top set, 2 RIR. It’s been a LONG TIME!!!
Back-off sets:
3 x 3 @ 165
(2 min)

Pin squats
1 x 10 @ 45
1 x 3 @ 115
1 x 3 @ 135
1 x 3 @ 155
2 x 3 @ 165
(1 min)

Single leg hamstring curls
3 x 6 each leg @ 40
(1 min)

Superset:
1. Calf raise machine
3 x 6 @ 180 -> by a LOT!!!!
2. Single arm farmers carries
3 x length of gym @ 45
Some asshole left the calf raise machine loaded with 4 plates. Out of sheer rage I decided I wasn’t unloading the machine…so I discovered how much my calves can truly move. This is double what I’ve ever done on this machine! 😳

Not sure how much you got to read this morning (I’m sure today was busy with having to check out of the hotel), so I wanted to put this in a better place where it can be re-read if necessary. I was very excited when I wrote all of this out, and I hope the tone was correctly interpreted. :) I started out with one thing and ended up basically sharing my perspective on what I believe can make or break a relationship. I hadn’t ever really sat down and put all of this in writing but I just…feel like it’s important. I hope some of it resonated with you/made sense.

And to be clear: none of this is a criticism of anything in ANY way, shape or form. My tone here was happy and excited. A chunk of it is a love letter to you.

…………

I don’t know how else to explain this. But I just love the way your mind works, the way you light up when you talk about something that sets your soul on fire.

I am not like this with everyone, only with the people I love the most.

My bestie Nikki could tell me she thinks blobfish are beautiful, and I’d be like, “You’re insane 😂.” I wouldn’t dismiss it if she insisted though, because I adore her: if she loves something with her whole heart, I’m going to love it too because I love her. I might tease her about it, but I’m going to have affection for this ridiculous thing because it’s important to her. That’s why her and I have been friends for going on 6 years (we met in 2020.)

That’s how I am as a friend. My friendships that have lasted decades…like Dom, Ro, and Karen (with whom I reconnected recently), it’s because we have that back-and-forth of, “I never considered x before in my life, but you love x so much that now I love it too because I love you. And I WANT you to tell me all about x because I love you.” It’s how two people grow **together** regardless of how the relationship is defined.

My interest in the people I care about doesn’t fade. The other person has to hurt me repeatedly, or sever healthy communication, or try to willingly self-destruct in a way that I can’t save them, in order for me to want to walk away.

It’s not because I lost interest. I love the people that I love with my whole heart and soul, and that love, that interest, never stops on my end. It transcends life. Once I love you, I will love you forever until the end of time.

Also…isn’t the entire story of The Little Prince about this? ♥️

“I am looking for friends. What does that mean -- tame?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."

"To establish ties?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world....”

(I hope you realize how rare it is to find a woman who can quote your favorite book at you! 😉)

I want to clarify this, because I’m always surprised that you think I’d leave because I’m bored: I’ve never left a romantic relationship due to boredom. That’s not a thing for me. I have left due to abuse (I decided I deserved better), because the guy broke up with me (he realized he didn’t want to commit yet), and the other two due to communication problems stemming from different maturity levels (one was when I was in high school, the other while in college.)

I need you to please know that my marriage failing isn’t because I lost interest in the relationship, or in him, or in his interests, or because I got bored. It’s not that at ALL. (Also: this is not a comparison in the least! Please know that.) He’s still a funny, intelligent, interesting, GOOD person. I enjoy hanging out with him. I enjoy his taste in music. He still makes me laugh. We’re still friends. I still SEE him: Alex Pretti’s death KILLED me because that could have been Carlos…that’s how he is: in a situation like that, he would 100% step in front of an attacker to protect someone more vulnerable without thinking about it twice, without any regard for his own safety.

The marriage failed because he stopped listening, it’s been going on for years without improvement, and there came a point where I had to draw the line for my own mental health. I can go into more detail on that, everything that I have attempted, but this is long enough already. The point is that it failed because I cannot reconcile with the worsening inability/unwillingness to listen: listening is a fundamental part of communication, and communication, ***healthy communication***, is what keeps a relationship alive.

It applies to ALL relationships: romantic, friendships, family, work. But **especially** in romantic relationships. And family too.

I need to further explain why communication is so, so very important to me.

1. If one side stops listening, communication stops.
2. If communication stops, the relationship ends.
3. Communication can be reestablished, but both partners have to be equally willing.
4. If one of them isn’t willing, then the relationship is dead.

Relationships involve compromise, but it’s NOT supposed to be a constant battle/struggle. If one feels like one is constantly at war with their partner, that’s not a healthy relationship. It’s the definition of toxicity. You’re ***supposed*** to feel safe with the other person. That’s kind of the whole point…
………

So circling back to being interested in the other person’s interests (I promise all the points I am outlining here tie in together):

It’s like that with you, but it’s even more special. If you told me deadpan that you love blobfish, I’d have to take a seat, “Ok. Tell me more.” Because I would want to learn what it is about those hideous fish that you find beautiful. And because you are so smart and you have such an interesting, well-informed perspective on the things that you love, I’m sure I’d learn a few things I never imagined while listening to you. Like I have with everything else that you have talked to me about, regardless of subject matter. ♥️ I then end up doing some deep dive of my own to learn more about that thing, just so I can have an intelligent conversation with you about it.

I love the way your mind works. I love watching the wheels turn, and the way you’ll explain something in detail when you feel comfortable sharing with me. It’s very different from anyone else I’ve met before. It’s the very first things that drew me to you, and it’s one of many little things that makes you uniquely “you” that I love so much.

This all goes back to enjoying that nuance I was talking about earlier.

You’ve done it with me and for me, too. Ex: lifting, PR, nutrition, etc.

You see, THAT right there, that mutual interest in wanting to learn about the things that set the other person’s heart on fire, and wanting to take part in those things bc that person loves it so much (like me taking up cycling only bc it’s so profoundly *yours* that it was another way for me to immerse myself in your world)…

…that’s the groundwork for a solid, long-lasting relationship. That’s how two people keep growing together in the same direction. It’s not the sex or the passion that keeps it going, it’s that mutual interest that doesn’t become dull with time (though being compatible in bed can certainly help and *that* can be kept alive long-term when the mutual interest is kept alive long-term. Sex will last when both people continue to feel emotionally safe with one another. I don’t mean every single day, but maybe at least once a week or a couple of times a month depending on life…)

Which brings me to emotional safety. This is the other key here. It can be created and preserved so long as the two people:

1. Can talk freely about their interests because they both feel seen and heard

2. Understand one another’s triggers so as to AVOID pressing those buttons. The triggers aren’t ignored, they are circumvented in order to prevent escalation

3. Are willing to resolve conflict as a team, not as two people at war (Ex: a genuine, “I am sorry. What can I do better next time so that we don’t escalate?” And then truly listening.)

4. Don’t constantly criticize one another as people - that’s just degrading one another for sport. One can, and should, highlight a behavior that is problematic so it can be addressed and corrected. But: this should be **constructive** criticism given for the good of the relationship long-term, not delivered as a way to injure the other person. There is a difference: constructive criticism = avoid resentment. Criticism with intent to hurt = creates more resentment.

5. Also: if one partner feels hurt when a behavioral criticism is delivered, they should feel safe enough in the relationship to be able to bring that up. The person that delivered the criticism should be able to listen calmly (not defensively!), and a conversation should ensue to BOTH preserve that emotional safety for both people, while finding a healthy way to talk about and address the behavior that has been highlighted as problematic.

We did this recently: when I snapped over the “h” in my name, and you got angry at me over the way I delivered it - your reaction was fair; I caught you off guard. And you told me exactly why I had made you angry, which I appreciated. You felt safe enough to TELL me why I had made you mad.

So after we had both stewed about in our own spaces and cooled down a bit, we both came back, sat down and talked through it. And to me, that was the beautiful thing about it: we weren’t focusing on the division this little argument had caused or on trying to find reasons to resent one another. The goal of the conversation we had was, “How do we navigate this (ultimately very minor) thing so that we both feel safe again?”

We listened to one another and I think we achieved it: I think after we talked, we both felt SAFER than before. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

And this is where feeling safe in the relationship is super important: behaviors from both parties cannot be addressed/corrected if one or both people are out to one-up each other in a hurtful way.

That baseline of emotional safety is SUPER IMPORTANT to maintain. Healthy communication helps to maintain that safety, and in turn, feeling safe helps to preserve healthy communication.

It’s a really beautiful self-perpetuating cycle when both partners are willing to maintain it. It involves compromise, setting egos aside, and working individually through one’s baggage to become a better person for one’s own sake AND for the good of the relationship. It is not that hard to preserve that cycle so long as both partners are equally putting in the work. It really isn’t. But BOTH partners have to want it.

One of the (many) other reasons why I still believe we would work out in the long run is precisely that:

Despite being two sensitive, emotional, and rather fiery people, when we have encountered conflict we have both been willing to quickly set down their weapons and sit at the table to talk about it like two intelligent people that care deeply for one another and their relationship.

And THAT, that right there ⬆️ is both priceless and immensely promising. The fact that we can do that NOW, at the beginning, not 20 years later after trial and tribulation, says worlds about our long-term compatibility.

There will always be arguments and disagreements in a relationship. That’s a natural part of sharing one’s life with another human being. But HOW those arguments/disagreements are approached and **resolved** are key to whether the relationship becomes stronger, allowing the two people to grow together…or whether it tears them apart in the end.

That emotional safe space? It’s something that I have consciously tried to foster with you from day one when you first started talking to me like a human being (not just as your tech): I wanted to be, and still want to be, a safe space for you. I felt then, and still do, that this is something you have never really had before.

It’s why I’m still here. And it’s why I still want to be here.