There’s nothing like a nice prompt start from Uxbridge, and today’s ride was nothing like a nice prompt start. After waiting 15 minutes for Ninja Steve, suspecting he was probably running a bit late, or maybe he’d had a puncture, Woody noticed the “Running Late, I’ll meet you at the Café” text message that had been sent much earlier that morning, duh! So off we chug to Denham Golf Course, where two tractors had managed to spread vast quantities of mud over the normally nice concrete path to the Church. Narrowly avoiding collision with the second of the tractors, and after safely negotiating the kissing gate, Tim was gutted to realise he’d picked up a front puncture. “These are brand new tyres” he complained, quickly followed by “I haven’t had a puncture for 10 years” and “these tyres are really hard to get off”. Oh dear! Fortunately, the culprit, a rather sharp tooth shaped flint was easily found and removed. Unfortunately, the tyre was indeed rather difficult to put back on. As we were now way off time schedule I took the executive decision to fast track straight to elevenses saving my rather scenic route via Denham airfield and West Hyde for another day.
John Hare and Dave Peck were just leaving as we arrived at Chalfont St Peter Church for elevenses and joked that they’d eaten all the cakes, but there was the usual fabulous selection to choose from. After much puzzling, I eventually managed to work out how to phone the pub with my new phone. Is it me or does it seem mobile phones these days are good at everything apart from making phone calls?
We don’t leave till 11:45! Halfway up the hill we hear that Captain Morgan and The Roofer are still at the Church with a mechanical issue. We use a bizarre and very ineffective method of Chinese Whispers to ascertain what is occurring and assured that they will meet us at The Royal Standard of England head off, only for Ninja Steve to come racing up outraged that we’d left him behind. Oops! I again make the executive decision to curtail my absolutely lovely route via Chalfont St Giles and the head in the hedge, and lead what remains of the group to Beaconsfield via Welders Lane and Longbottom Lane. I struggle through Knotty Green as having wedged my new phone into the old phone holder I only now realise the tightness of fit switches the screen off. Where is Cider-Man (who has lead us through here faultlessly many times) when you need him? I stop at every junction to check the way and it’s not long till we arrive at the pub, it’s 12:20 and we’ve clocked up a rather sedate 15 miles. We order, eat our food and debate the probability of Captain Morgan and The Roofer finding their way to the pub, which is rather tucked out in the middle of nowhere. We are very impressed when they do arrive, and conversation continues whilst we wait for them to eat their lunch.
Back on track I am delighted to be leading my planned route, but within seconds of leaving the pub Jim has a flat (oh no!), pumped up he limps to the A40 then decides to call it a day. The remaining 6 of us make our way through the potholed back lanes to Coffee Eats & Treats, where we have a quick coffee before Ninja Steve leads the group back to Uxbridge and I shortcut home to Stoke Poges. A rather unusual ride with a blistering total distance of 31 miles.