The timeliness of that song today, which I’d forgotten existed, was outright eerie (due to the lyrics.) I explain why below.

I know I write too much here, and I’m not always sure if it’s always read when it’s this much. I’m sorry.

Had a serious case of “I don’t wannas” when it came time to strength train today. Feeling really down today emotionally. I’ve been plowing through what are going to be massive life changes with head held high and more faith than I thought I was capable of, while slowly, methodically and deliberately destroying a life that I worked very hard to build, while simultaneously also shoving epic levels of grief (over various different things) into the box I put grief into when I need to function in order to move forward.

Today it’s all just caught up to me. I’m emotionally exhausted. I feel so alone. I just want to crawl into a place where I feel safe and sleep for days. I haven’t felt emotionally safe in a very long time. It’s been years, and I wonder if it’s something I’ll get to feel again.

I guess I hit a wall. Was fine yesterday.

I was originally going to do a full body workout with machines, but switched to only upper body bc it’s overall less taxing. I don’t consider myself to be strong when it comes to upper body stuff, so even the smallest bit of progress is a win (unlike with lower body, where I sometimes self flagellate mentally if I feel my performance isn’t up to par.) It was the right choice: had a couple of PRs without meaning to.

Warm-up
Upper back cat-cow x 8
Paused push-ups x 6
TRX “T” rear delt flyes x 8
TRX rows x 8

Bench press
1 x 10 @ 45
1 x 5 @ 65
1 x 5 @ 75
3 x 5 @ 85
(2 min)
I got mad because the 85 lbs was moving like molasses. Then I remembered that I worked on 4 horses yesterday: duh my upper body is tired! Locked in my powerlifting bench press arch after the first set -> 2nd & 3rd sets were much better.

Cable chest fly
3 x 8 @ 17.6 each arm
(2 min)
This was a 10 lbs increase. Good thing my upper body was tired. 🤪

Superset on assist machine @ 80 lbs
1. Pull-ups w/chin-up grip x 6
2. Dips x 6
(2 min)

Lat pull-downs
3 x 8 @ 77
(2 min)

Cable rows
3 x 8 @ 77
(2 min)

Supersets x 3
1. Bicep curls x 10 @ 20
2. Plank shoulder taps x 15 reps each side (progressed this one to legs extended today. It’s nice to have my serratus muscles back.)
(1 min)

This will be my last word vomit on RWGPS. Only short 1-2 sentence recaps from now on. The longer write-ups will be for J on TP.