Bernie the Bolt got out of the other side of bed this morning. Instead of the normal sensible Bernie, it was a daring and reckless Bernie that turned up at Uxbridge. We were caught totally by surprise. It started pretty normally as he headed out of Uxbridge past Brunel. An unconventional but not unheard of wiggle through Yiewsley, right into Mill Road which we followed to Richings Park where we turned left into Old Slade Lane. “Yay, a bit of off-road” I thought as we bumped along the track to Colnbrook, home of England’s 3rd oldest Inn. Dave Peck had warned at Uxbridge that Datchet Sailing Club would not be open on a Wednesday, and indeed he was correct. Bernie was forced to add-lib an alternative elevenses. A slight déjà vu through Colnbrook to Fat Boys Cafe, Poyle, where the heady aroma of frying bacon had Bernie wishing he had not already had breakfast. It was absolutely scorching as we continued on our way, south to the Golden Cross then right along Stanwell Road to Horton. A slight navigational error had us turning left into Park Lane, marked as a dead end. “Ooh not been down here before” we all exclaimed. Neither have I thought Bernie to himself as he threw away the rule book, took a great leap of faith, and dared (somewhat recklessly) to detour from the blue line of his Sat Nav. It was not long until the tarmac petered out into a gravel track and finally into a rough grassy track. “Excellent!”, “Great Route!” we enthused, and it was indeed rather pleasant to be in the thick of nature away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. Away from the traffic and shaded from the heat of the sweltering sun. We progressed somewhat slowly through the undergrowth, over the odd root or fallen twig, with the odd glimpse of streams and ponds to our sides. “Has Jim Swan ever been down here?” we queried, then quickly agreed “Probably!”. Eventually the track ended in a grassy turning circle with thick undergrowth in all directions. We made an assortment of clockwise and anticlockwise U-turns, back tracked a little then ducked through a gap in the undergrowth to a railway line accessed and exited by larger than life wooden stiles. Phil the Wheel and Alan Buchanan heroically lifted the bikes over, whilst we removed then reattached our bags and water bottles. Cliff photographed a passing train with his smart phone, popped it in his back pocket, and continued to take photos (of his pocket) until we realised what that strange clicking noise was 10 minutes later! The track meanwhile had become more open and moorland like, ending in another stile over which we could see tarmac and civilisation. Unfortunately, the fence and stile had been seriously reinforced with additional fencing to stop whatever it was that lives in the field getting out (kangaroos?). Fortunately, the very nice man in the nearest house helped lift our bikes over. What an adventure! Back on tarmac we whizzed through Wrasbury and Hythe End to Staines where we joined the Thames Path (a mixture of rough track and tarmac roadway) which we followed all the way to Chertsey admiring the pretty gardens, huge riverside mansions and savouring the peace and tranquillity. A slow section past the congested shops of Chertsey then a right into Staines Lane, another Dead End! We paused whilst Bernie consulted his Sat Nav, then continued along a shady track through the bushes to St Ann’s Road where we crossed over the four lanes of traffic and entered our lunch stop the Twynersh through a gap in the hedge (Jim Swan would have been proud!). We sat in the shade outside whilst we ate our bargain two for £8.99 meals and savoured our drinks. Phil and Cliff enthralled us with stories of the life threatening wasp stings they had suffered. Eventually Bernie insisted we made a move, so hugging the shade we made our way west, up a gruelling hill, over the motorway and a glorious swoop to Virginia Water, where we slogged up yet another hill to Englefield Green where the last fatal duel in England took place in 1852. Then into the always welcome Windsor Great Park which seemed incredibly quiet considering it was school holidays. Past the top of the Long Walk with great views of Windsor Castle and the Copper Horse statue of King George III. Past the Post Office which was closed for the afternoon, and out of Rangers Gate on NCN4 (National Cycle Network 4) to the B3022, which we followed all the way to the Windlesora (Windsor’s cheaper Wetherspoons) including a short walk along St Leonards Road which is one way in the other direction. It was absolutely scorching outside, the blistering sun was unrelenting so it was with some relief that we stepped inside the superbly air conditioned building for afternoon tea, or should that be more beer and soft drinks? Bernie on a roll from all our praise of his fantastic routing even got our water bottles topped up with ice cubes and cold water. Having chilled down to a reasonable level we ventured out into the heat again. Fortunately, the skies had clouded over so the subsequent journey was a bit more bearable. Up into Windsor, down and around the castle past all the tourists, over the Windsor/Eton bridge then more off-road through Eton College Playing Fields and Upton Court Park where we followed Route 61 to Trenches Farm and up the east side of Langley Park full of blackberries ready for picking. Here I bade farewell to the group which I understand disbanded around Cowley. LMN